Source: NBC / Getty

In today’s episode of White Tears Are Wet News, a lot of conservative Caucasians appear to be upset that singer and phenomenal performer Lizzo played a flute that once belonged to the slave-owning founding father (I know, I need to be a lot more specific) who authored the document that subsidized America on three-fifths of Black humanity.

Here is a clip of Lizzo playing a 200-year-old flute in the library of congress. A beautiful performance from a well-trained musician. The outrage from certain people is just a symptom of their ideology.

(Every time you share this it makes a right-wing talking head cry.) pic.twitter.com/RCxjNlP1UB

— _Imposter_ (@Imposter_Edits) September 29, 2022

NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD THIS FAMOUS CRYSTAL FLUTE BEFORE

NOW YOU HAVE

IM THE FIRST & ONLY PERSON TO EVER PLAY THIS PRESIDENTIAL 200-YEAR-OLD CRYSTAL FLUTE— THANK YOU @librarycongress pic.twitter.com/VgXjpC49sO

— FOLLOW @YITTY (@lizzo) September 28, 2022

Damn, I should have waited for y’all to sit down first, because I know you’re shocked that white people are more offended by Lizzo playing James Madison’s flute while wearing whatever TF she wanted than they are that Madison owned humans who he only felt were worth three-fifths of their recognition as humans. Sorry to blow your minds like this.

James Madison was the author of the 3/5 compromise. He’s lucky @lizzo didn’t break that flute into five pieces and throw it off the stage. Stay mad.

— Tami Sawyer (@tamisawyer) September 29, 2022

Madison mostly sat around reading books & writing stuff like whether black people are human beings or property. He was unqualified to work anywhere. His ONLY real assets were either inherited or enslaved.

So let me ask you this:

How do you think he paid for that flute?

— Michael Harriot (@michaelharriot) September 30, 2022

…or better yet…https://t.co/7aQPHseBnD

— Bocephus Moonshine (@RevMoonshine) September 29, 2022

Let’s start with some white woman named Jenna Ellis who erroneously called Lizzo “one the most morbidly obese people in the world” on the same planet Rush Limbaugh once occupied. (Ellis is also a lawyer who represented Donald Trump, who she curiously has never referred to as “one the most morbidly obese people in the world.”)

Jenna Ellis — who is Doug Mastriano’s senior adviser — claimed yesterday that Lizzo “is basically famous, I think, for being one the most morbidly obese people in the world” and said of the Madison flute playing: “This is just desecration purposefully of America’s history.” pic.twitter.com/P4Rsg0ZZs3

— Eric Hananoki (@ehananoki) September 29, 2022

First of all, it’s about time everyone stops pretending Lizzo isn’t out here singing, twerking and sliding across the stage damn near simultaneously and still having enough energy to play the flute flawlessly while half of us get winded trying to reach that unreachable part of our backs every time we get an itch. Stop worrying about that Black woman’s weight when she just might be in better shape than you.

Anyway, Ellis is currently being dragged up and down Twitter for having the sheer caucasity to open her Trump-humping-Karen-at-law mouth about Lizzo.

Here’s Mastriano advisor (and Trump election lawyer) Jenna Ellis calling Lizzo fat and saying that she desecrated American history by playing a flute. I tend to think that filing frivolous lawsuits in an effort to overturn an election was more of a desecration… but that’s me. https://t.co/3ZlXiRa4bj

— Todd Eberly (@ToddEberly) September 29, 2022

Jenna Ellis, you are what’s wrong with this country. Not @lizzo! Jenna Ellis, you racist, narrow minded #dietculture advocate, you have no ability to determine someone’s health status by what they look like! https://t.co/b0wDbokvYE

— Melissa Burton, RDN, RYT (@melissaburtonRD) September 29, 2022

Lizzo is a Grammy award-winning artist and classically trained flutist who’s music is loved the world over…Ummm…And Jenna Ellis is *checks notes* the person known for inhaling Rudy Giuliani’s covid fart.

— Hadley Sheley (@HadleySheley) September 30, 2022

This is Jenna Ellis …

Jenna Ellis who sat there while Rudy farted next to her…

Jenna Ellis who represents a man that wants women charged with murder for having an abortion …

Jenna Ellis body shaming …

Jenna Ellis thinks she’s a better role model than Lizzo … https://t.co/fOprHgHXZR

— Deb G #StandWithUkraine! (@DebeeMI) September 30, 2022

Rudy Giuliani‘s human fart magnet wasn’t the only salty right-winger to get her MAGA-wear all in a bunch over Lizzo playing Madison’s flute. Here’s WAPless boy blunder Ben Shapiro claiming Lizzo deliberately did “something controversial in an attempt to draw attention” when she was literally invited to play the old founding human trafficker’s flute.

There’s only one reason Lizzo playing the flute is controversial to Ben, and it ain’t the flute. pic.twitter.com/4eF111IuX9

— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) September 29, 2022

Here’s an apparently confused Twitter user who thinks Lizzo playing Madison’s flute is about “humiliating white people” and “desecrating American history.” He also appears to believe it is non-white people who represent the “conqueror.”

Lizzo’s a conqueror?

— Ellicott (@LaurelLeader74) September 29, 2022

Here’s Matt Walsh reminding us that, while Lizzo can sing, dance and play the flute at the same time, all he can do is hate Black people, fat people, and women simultaneously.

I, a Woke Leftist, didn’t know this flute existed until today. But if it makes Matt Walsh and other shitty right wingers unhappy then yes, our plan was to inflict psychic damage on them via Lizzo, sure. Next week we’ll have Snoop Dogg roll a blunt with Betsy Ross’s flag; why not? pic.twitter.com/XLlvbzQyTO

— Cryosilver (@cryosilver) September 29, 2022

Ok you guys, Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh have a point: I think James Madison, who owned 100 slaves and didn’t free any of them, might also have been mad if Lizzo played his crystal flute.

— Andrew Menotti (@APMC1985) September 29, 2022

I’m willing to speculate that Lizzo doesn’t care much about a bunch of tighty-righty-whiteys who have rods stuck so far up their hind parts that they think a full-figured Black woman in skimpy clothing playing a dead slave-owner’s flute is an affront to America.

It sure is fun to watch these people squirm though.

SEE ALSO:

‘White Folx’ Are Big Mad At ‘Woke’ DoD Official’s Old Tweets About Race

Conservatives Big Mad That White Teachers In Minneapolis Could Get Laid Off Before Teachers Of Color


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