Rapper DMX‘s ex-wife Tashera Simmons was just as stunned as his fans to learn of his passing a little over a month ago. 

Simmons and DMX, born Earl Simmons, were married for more than a decade before divorcing in 2014. They became parents to three sons —  Xavier, 28,  Tacoma, 21,  and Sean, 18 — and daughter, Praise, 16; each of whom Simmons said is still grappling with the devastating loss.

“I am torn. Our children are suffering and trying to get to over that ‘not enough time with their dad’ thing; it’s a tough time,” Simmons told the “PEOPLE Everyday Podcast.”

The world learned that the Yonkers rapper was rushed to a New York area hospital on April 3 after suffering a heart attack. After spending several days in a coma, he was pronounced dead at the age of 50. Simmons recalled their last conversation as somewhat prophetic, though she did not fully grasp what X was saying to her at the time.

“Me and him had a conversation six days before it happened,” Simmons said. “The conversations that we had was very different from most of our conversations,” she added while sharing that the bond they developed when they were just 11 years old was “deep.”

But even with their decades-long history together and past conversations that far exceeded surface-level topics, Simmons said she was thrown off by comments the rapper made during their final exchange.

“This time [in] particular he was just talking about, just randomly ‘Tashera you know I’m here only for the world. This is what God has created me to be. Like, I’m a vessel for the world,’ ” she recalled. “I listened like I always do. Never tried to come against because a lot of times I would see things that he said come to pass.” Still not knowing exactly what the father of her children meant, she asked him to explain. 

“He said ‘Taashera, my words have always fell on deaf ears.’ He said ‘and God put me here for the world so my voice will be stronger when I’m gone.” When she finally received news of his death, it broke her. “I just broke down in tears to be honest with you,” she recalled.

On April 24, two weeks after his passing, a memorial service was held at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn for his close friends and family.

The rapper’s eleventh studio album, “Exodus 1:7,” is slated for a posthumous release on May 28. Prior to his passing, DMX told TV ONE during his episode of “Uncensored” that he was excited about the album. “This album has the most features that I’ve done on any album, my entire career,” said X. He went on to reveal that some of the artists on the album include Usher, Alicia Keys, Snoop Dogg and Lil Wayne.